Forced Roomies
by Cassandra Lunar
Summary: Giles gets tired of Buffy and Spike’s never ending fights and locks them in together. To leave they must at least be on friendly terms. It doesn't go quite as planned though... DISCONTINUED
1. Prologue

**_DISCONTINUED!_** I have decided to stop writing this fic for several reasons: first, I am no longer part of the BtVS fandom (it's lost my interest); second, it's taking too long; third, I have no plot for it. This story will be deleted once I return from my holiday in Turkey.

**Title**: Forced Roomies  
**Author**:   
**Archiving**: No archiving.  
**Disclaimer**: This story uses the characters, situations and places invented by Joss Whedon and company. BtVS is not mine, no money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
**Summary**: This is a story set in season four of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in place of the episode 'Something Blue'. Giles gets so tired of Buffy and Spike's never ending fights that he seals them into the house. They're unable to leave until they are at least on friendly terms with each other. Giles' idea may however not have been the most intelligent thing he ever did, because Buffy and Spike form an alliance against Giles' possessions and his reputation. That wasn't _quite_ how Giles had expected it to go.

_PROLOGUE_

_Buffy and Spike are yelling at each other_. Giles concentrated on what he was doing. _Buffy and Spike are fighting_. Giles tuned them out. _Buffy and Spike are breaking down my bathroom. _Giles sighed and gave up on trying to ignore the two. "Giles, I accidentally staked Spike," Buffy called from the bathroom. Three seconds later Spike followed, mocking Buffy. "Giles, Buffy slipped and hit her head against the tub. She's not moving. I think she's dead".   
"Behave, you two!" Giles yelled back. Giles could enjoy blissful silence for three minutes.

"Oh, bite me. Oh, my bad, you can't do that…"  
"I'll find a way."  
"Really? You couldn't even catch a cold!"  
"Are you so narcissistic you think I'm a mirror?" 

Giles couldn't take it anymore and came barging into the bathroom. He had a key to Spike's chains in his hand. He unchained Spike, and took the Slayer and the Vampire each by an arm and dumped both in seperate rooms. He didn't even bother to lock the door. They would both be too busy screaming to notice that they could just walk out the door. Giles soon found out that was a bad idea. They now had to shout through a wall and they were even louder than before.

With a frustrated sigh, Giles grabbed his coat and said that he was going to go shopping. He'd been playing with this idea for a while now and he thought it was time to put it into action. He slammed the door behind him and stood in front of the door. Giles chanted a spell to make Buffy and Spike sleep.   
When he was certain the spell had taken effect, he re-entered the house and grabbed a pocketknife off the table. He walked back out and carved an ancient sealing symbol in the door. "With this symbol I seal this room, until a friendship bloom. This spell now has my blessings, may their hostile tone speak gentle blessings". Whistling, Giles walked away. He was headed for Buffy's house, to explain things to Joyce. He'd give them a call sometime after they woke up. This way, the only damage the two could was to each other's sanity. He would be spared from further dealings with the impossible duo. 


	2. Explanations

_FORCED ROOMIES—PART ONE: explanations_

"So let me get this straight," Xander began. "You got tired of Buffy and Spike's fighting, so instead of staking him like we should have a long time ago; you locked them into your apartment and you expect them to become friends?" he frowned. 

Giles sighed but didn't interrupt Xander's ranting. He had made some valid points already, and Giles would call the duo again when he thought they would be about to commit murder. "… And she'll stake him in a heartbeat anyway," Xander finished.  
"No she won't; they are most likely still asleep, figuring out what is going on or they've been knocked unconscious by the barrier."  
"It's a killer barrier?" Xander exclaimed shocked and sat down with his arms folded.

"It is a very powerful barrier. Xander, I assure you, things will be fine," Giles said, looking at the clock.

"Call them," Xander demanded.   
Willow was as glad for the spell as Xander hated it. Not only was it a relief to know that she wouldn't have to wear earplugs when they had a meeting, but it brought her mind off the subject of Oz. Besides, what harm could come from improving the relationship between Buffy and Spike? "I don't agree with Xander," she said, "I'm glad that I can know my hearing and sanity are safe from them."  
"Then I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're going to be the one who can walk through the barrier to bring them their groceries," Giles said quickly. Willow glared at him but didn't say anything. 

When Willow looked across the room, she could see Anya smiling triumphantly. Willow frowned and looked away. Suddenly she saw a lot of potential in Xander's demand to remove the spell.

Joyce had a worried look clouding her face. "Joyce? What's wrong?" Giles asked.   
"It's just, Rupert, I'm worried about Buffy. She is my daughter, you know?" And about Spike, she mentally added, because the vampire may be over three times her age, he was like a son to her.   
"Just so as to ease your mind, Joyce, they're asleep at the moment. Don't take this the wrong way, Joyce, Willow, but I'm actually quite relieved. They are known for almost bringing my house down due to the seer volume of their shouting," Giles admitted. He knew things had to change between the two of them, and if he should have to lend a hand, well he had lent a hand, hadn't he? He'd lent his entire bloody house.

Dawn, perched on a spot of the stairs so she could hear what was being said downstairs, was fuming. This was so typical, she thought; don't tell Dawn no matter what, never mind she's thirteen or who's involved and of course what's going on! After all, it was only her sister locked in a house with Spike! Though, despite her anger because she was not invited for the official explanation, the thought of her sister and Spike brought a smile to her lips. She didn't always like Buffy, and she knew the feeling was mutual most of the time, but she did love her and though she didn't know Spike very well, she had the feeling there was the possibility for a perfect friendship, maybe even more than that. 


	3. Ten Hours of Sleep and Sealed Doors

FORCED ROOMIES—PART TWO:_ ten bloody hours of sleep and sealed doors_

When Buffy woke up it was night. Not remembering having ever fallen asleep or even being tired, she assumed she'd been put under a spell, and went to see if Spike had had anything to do with that. But when she reached the room Giles had thrown Spike into, the curtains were drawn back, and Spike stood in front of the window, a stream of moonlight making his white-blond hair look a silver metallic color.   
"Do you remember falling asleep?" He asked, not even taking his eyes away from the window. "No, I don't."   
"Neither do I. It must've been a spell."   
  


The phone rang. Hesitantly, Buffy picked it up. "H-Hello?"   
"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" Spike muttered, still facing the window. She gave him the finger, though she knew he couldn't see it.   
"So, you two are finally awake?"   
"Giles, you knew about this?" Buffy asked in disbelief. Ignoring Buffy, Giles continued, "The spell lasted longer than it should have, though."  
"Giles, what's going on?" Buffy yelled into the receiver.   
"You'll know soon enough, Buffy," Giles said cryptically and hung up.  
Angrily Buffy slammed the phone down. "I can't believe this!"   
"Can't believe what?" Spike asked.  
"_This_."   
"That cat got your brain too?"   
"Shut up!"  
"Then get lost. I 'got' this room. Piss off."  
"Like anyone would want to spend any time with the likes of you anyway," she shot back. She didn't catch him whispering to himself how she might be right on that.   
  


Buffy stomped back to the room she'd woken up in, and dropped down on the bed. She sighed loudly. Here she was, in Giles' house, stuck with the most annoying vampire in the world, and she just received a vague phone call _from_ Giles, and she didn't have one single clue as to what was going on. "" "Damn it!"   
"What's the matter, run out of dye in there?" Spike yelled from across the hall.   
"Hello Pot, I'm Kettle. Black much?"   
"No, white maybe," Spike said triumphantly.   
"Ugh," Buffy moaned, tugging at her blond strands. She could almost feel him smirk. Angrily, she headed back to his room, determined at least to get him to shut up. What she saw him doing was what she'd never have suspected him to be doing, not in a million years. Spike was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a book in his lap. "What're you reading?" she asked. Her voice was filled with disbelief.   
Spike smirked. "This is called a 'book'."   
"You know what? I'm impressed. I didn't know you could read."   
"There is a lot about me that you do not know, Slayer."   
"Such as?" Buffy asked mock-interested.   
"That would be my business and not yours, Summers. Go away," Spike said moodily.   
"Why would I?" she said shrugging.  
Spike looked up from his book. "You're invading my private space."  
"I'm really and truly hurt; only not so much," Buffy said and leaned against the doorpost.   
"Piss. Off. Slayer," Spike said. His voice was dangerously low.   
"I will not go away until I know why we're here."  
"Then might I suggest you pick up that phone and call your Watcher?" Spike said.  
He stood up and walked past her out the door. Buffy put her hand on the earpiece. "Where are you going?"  
"I'm going to see if I can get out of here," he said.  
"Mom, is that you? It's Buffy. What do you mean Giles is going to stay at our house for a while. You mean I have to stay in here with Spike? But Mom, we'll probably end up killing each other and completely trashing the place…" Buffy sighed, "Okay, bye Mom."

From downstairs, Buffy heard a loud "bloody hell", followed by the slamming of a door. "I'll bet you my news is worse than yours," she yelled down to him. "I'm willing to bet it's the same news," Spike yelled back at her. "Come down here and see for yourself." Buffy quickly walked down the stairs. Spike was leaning against the wall just to the side of the door and was looking truly murderous.   
"What is it?" she asked concerned.   
"Try to walk outside," Spike said. He didn't sound quite as furious as he looked. Buffy did as he said: she opened the door and tried to walk outside. An invisible barrier threw her back. In a reflex, she grabbed hold of Spike and took him with her. They both ended up in a very awkward position behind the couch. "What was that?" she asked. Buffy untangled her limbs from Spike's and tried to get up. "My news. This is a spell like the one that keeps vampires out of human homes. This one however is much more powerful and works both ways. This means that not only we can't get out, but also no one can get in either. Only the caster himself and one other have free passage through. And only the caster can lift it again."   
  


"How did you know that?" Buffy asked. She was genuinely interested.   
"Do you see that mark on the door?"   
She took a few steps to the door, "Yes, I see it. So what?"   
"It's a rune for a sealing spell. Someone, presumably the Watcher, locked us in here."  
"Yep, that was kinda my news too. So what do we do?"  
  


"If we didn't kill each other it would be a good start," Spike said calmly.  
"We're us. You and me. Killing each other is what we do. We _can't not kill each other."  
"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life here?" Spike asked slowly.  
"No, not really."   
"Then we don't murder the other in their sleeps, all right?"  
"Is there a choice? You're probably gonna say that the barrier becomes permanent if somebody dies in this house, so the remaining one is locked up forever. Am I right?"  
"Yes, you are."  
"Then let's make a truce." _

Buffy and Spike shook hands. "We have to decide who's going to do what," Buffy said.  
"I cook, you clean," Buffy suggested.  
"Summers, I've heard the stories. Your cooking is famous for being even more deadly than you are," Spike said and lit a cigarette.   
"You drink blood, Spike. How can you be a better cook than I am and why would you even need to eat … not blood?"   
"It's another thing this barrier does: so long as I'm here I'm not sunlight intolerant, or highly flammable anymore and I don't need to drink blood."   
"Alright. So you cook. What do I do?"  
"How about the dishes?"  
"Fair enough," Buffy decided, "and then you do our laundry and I'll _try_ to keep this place looking the way it looks now. Deal?"  
"Yes," he said as he turned to leave. 

"Spike!" Spike turned back. "How did you know what that mark was?"  
"I told you there is a lot about me you didn't know. This is one of them, Slayer," he said, shrugging and returning upstairs.   
"Where are you going?" Buffy asked puzzled. Surely, he couldn't be thinking of going to sleep. They'd spent at least ten hours off in dreamland, and she felt like she never had to sleep again. "You're not going to bed, are you?"  
"Of course not! I just spent ten bloody hours doing that already! I'm just going to get my book," he shouted, as he was racing up the stairs, and she heard him slam the door forcefully. "Okay, that went... not like it was supposed to go," Buffy said to herself.   
She'd tried to be nice to him at least once! Buffy headed for the couch, to see if there was anything good on at this hour. Whenever this hour was; she had no idea what time it was, but she knew it was night. 

Spike came back downstairs and sat at the table. Buffy was still sulking in front of the television set. Obviously, being nice to him wouldn't work. But maybe... No! You tried, he didn't want you to, she thought to herself. She'd just stick to fighting with him. It was what they did best. She had a feeling they were going to be locked up in Giles' house for quite a while. 

Two hours later, she was eating the most delicious breakfast... no dinner... um lunch? Meal! Meal she had in a while. But she pretended she hated it, just to make sure he didn't get the satisfaction of knowing she loved his cooking. "This is gross," she choked out, screwing up her face to show her feigned distaste. "I hate it."  
For a moment, hurt crossed his features, but then he looked at her from just above his own plate. She didn't hate it. "You're a bad liar, Slayer."  
"You're a _worse_ liar than me, Spike. But I'll admit that I do like this … stuff."  
"It's called food, Slayer."


	4. Jerk x Bitch

_FORCED ROOMIES—PART THREE: 'jerk.'; 'bitch'_

"No, no, NO!" Buffy screamed. She realized she had no clothes in Giles' apartment. "Damn!"   
"What the bloody hell is so important you have to wake me up for it, Summers?" Spike yelled from the other room. "Anything's more important than your rest, Spike. You're a pain in the ass!"   
"Likewise, Slayer," he screamed back at her.  
"Well, unlike you, my beauty sleep is the most important thing of the day."  
"That's because unlike you, I don't _need _a beauty sleep."  
"You think you're so pretty?"  
"Oh, please. The _Judge_ is better looking than you are, Slayer," Spike said and emerged from his room. 

An hour later, they were sitting in Giles' kitchen. "So, how do we undo this barrier spell thingy?"   
"We can't reverse the spell. Only the caster can."   
"Why can't we?"  
"Because that's how the spell works."   
"That's stupid!"   
"Magicks work like magicks work. This one works in a way that gives the caster the control over the barrier."  
"Well it sucks," Buffy said, throwing her fork down and glaring at her fellow prisoner of their own behavior.   
"It's the way it works, Slayer!"  
"How do I know this isn't all _your_ fault_ anyway? You seem to know an awful lot about it."   
"Would I actually _voluntarily_ lock myself in with the person I hate most in the world?"   
"Hmm, I always did think you had a few loose wires up there," Buffy said, tapping her forehead with her finger. "A century with Dru can't be good for ones mental health."   
Spike ignored her. It wasn't like he wasn't used to being insulted. "Besides, you haven't seen me walk out that door, have you?"  
"Prove to me that you can't walk out of the door."  
Spike got up and walked to the door. He glared at Buffy but opened the door anyway and walked straight into the barrier. The blocking magic slammed into him at full force and made him come crashing into Buffy. In perfect unison the muttered: "I hate you," and then said, "Stupid vampire," and, "Damn Slayer," out loud and simultaneously. Frustrated, Spike got off the floor and stalked up to his room. When he was halfway up the stairs he turned around; Buffy did the same on her way to the couch.  
"Jerk."   
"Bitch."  
And then they both went their own separate ways._


	5. Stuck Forever?

_FORCED ROOMIES—PART FOUR: stuck forever?_

The next day when Buffy and Spike had gotten their breakfast and Spike had settled on the couch with another book and Buffy was sitting on the same couch flipping through the channels. The phone rang and there was a slight scuffle as to who was going to pick up the phone, but Buffy was closer and had the phone in her hands before Spike could get close enough.  
"Buffy Summers."   
"Willow? Right now? Oh yeah, I guess..." she paused and listened to Giles' instructions. "Giles! No, no, no! Don't hang up!" Buffy fought the urge to throw the phone right across the room. "Damn it."   
Spike gave her one of his trademark smirks. "Have you ever heard of self-control, Slayer?"   
"Shut up."   
"Care to fill me in on whatever it was you didn't discuss with old Rupes?"   
"Willow's coming over with groceries. She'll stop by; get us the stuff, and leave. Willow's the only one who's going to be able to get in or out, so we don't have to try and get out..." Buffy stopped to think if she left anything out, trying to remember the conversation. "Oh yeah, she'll be here in about five minutes." 

\\\

"You're such a jerk."   
"You are such a bitch."   
"Fangless the Vampire."   
"Slutty the Vampire Layer."   
"You are so gonna pay for that!"   
"Oh really. And how?"   
A knock on the door separated the fighting pair and they went to open the door. Willow walked right in, two bags in her arms and several more just outside. 

When Willow had gotten all the bags into the kitchen and walked back to the living room she saw them fighting again. They were speaking in hushed tones that meant they were about to kill someone. "At this rate, you'll never get out," she giggled.   
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.   
"Well, Buffy and Spike," the redhead began, "I bring news: no more fighting, no more barrier. Giles cast the spell so that you can get out by yourselves once you've eh… become friends. And," Willow paused for a dramatic effect, "I bring you clothes–" Buffy threw her arms around her best friend's neck and enveloped her in a grateful hug. "Need clothes!"   
"And food. Oh, and Giles told me to tell you to get to know each other better."   
Willow looked at her watch. "And I'd love to stay a little longer, I really would, but I have a meeting with one of the girls in the spell group I told you about, so bye!"   
"Bye Wills, have fun!" Then, the redhead darted out so quickly, they heard the door slam before their mind received information that Willow had moved at all.   
"So all we have to do is to get to know each other better. We can do that."   
"Let's do it then, Summers."   
"Hi, I'm Buffy," she began, extending her hand for him to shake.   
"Spike," he said, shaking her hand.   
"This is never gonna work," they said together.   
"Jerk."   
"Bitch."   
"Idiot."   
"Is that supposed to be _an insult_?" he asked incredulously.   
"No, you're right, it's the truth."   
"Nee, je hebt gelijk, 't is de waarheid." [a/n: this is exactly what Buffy said, only in Dutch]  
"Huh?"   
"Who's the idiot now?"   
"You are."   
"Oh, I'm hurt."   
"So sensitive you are, Will." Spike's expression darkened, then he shook his head. "I'm just itching to make you the third Slayer I've killed," he said darkly.   
"Now look who's got the lame comebacks?" an evil grin appeared on her face "So, _Will_, struck a nerve there, huh?"   
"Back off."   
"Back off? Sure I will, _Will,_" Buffy said.  
"I told you to back off."   
"I never did follow orders."   
Spike shot her a look that would have wiped Buffy and any memory of her off the face of the earth—if, you know, looks could kill.   
"You should, you know. Slayers are supposed to be the Watcher's Council's perfect little soldiers after all."   
"I don't work for the Council."   
"That's good."   
"Yes, it is."   
"I meant it."   
"Sure."   
"Yes, you stupid bint."   
"Asshole."   
  


Buffy and Spike sat down on the couch. "We'll be stuck forever in here, at this rate."  
"What the bloody hell was that man thinking when he cast this spell?"  
"I'll bet it was this: 'I want a cheap excuse to get out of this house'," Buffy said moodily.


	6. The Prisoners Strike Back

_FORCED ROOMIES—PART FIVE: the prisoners strike back_

Buffy was watching the person on the couch next to her instead of the television screen. Spike looked to be up to something, and considering absolutely nothing was 'up' at the moment, what else was there to do? "What are you doing?"  
Spike looked at her and smirked. "Giles locked us in here to teach us a lesson, am I right?"  
Buffy nodded. "So we return the favour and show him what a mistake it was to lock _us_ in a house _together_."

Buffy liked the sound of that, even if she didn't like the person who said it. "Any suggestions?"  
"If we ask your little friend to bring a marker, we could nicely decorate the walls with points for insults and comebacks," Spike said and considered the chaos they would leave the house in.

"We can answer the phone funny, I'm sure no one knows Giles isn't here. That should work fine and just drive him insane," Buffy said, her expression mirroring Spike's.

"Do you think he forgot that the only thing worse than the two of arguing is the two of us working together?" Buffy wondered and thought of the kinds of hellish acts the two of them were capable of if they worked together.

"He must have. I wouldn't wish us on anyone," Spike said, wiping some Slayer Chronicles off the table and putting a blank sheet in their place. 

"Any more ideas?"

An hour later, the two were staring at an impressive list of possible paybacks for being locked with each other. "I suggest you call your friend now and ask her to bring everything we need right now," Spike said.  
Buffy nodded and called Willow to give her the instructions. "All done; I'm gonna take a shower and put soap on the mirrors," Buffy said and left.

\\\

Spike was looking at the redhead in front of him. He could tell that she suspected them of something, but that she couldn't really tell what it was. Spike smirked and looked past Willow outside. There was a blonde standing outside the door. Whoever she was, she wasn't surprised to see that invisible barriers did exist and was probably a witch like Willow. But he could feel something else, something romantic. That was cute, Willow and the blonde were in love.

"Where's Buffy?" Willow asked suspiciously.  
"Right here," Buffy said, coming down the stairs, "do you have our stuff?"  
Willow indicated the bags at her feet and excused herself.

"Who's the blonde?"  
"Love."

"What?"  
Spike shrugged her off and grabbed one of the markers. "Names or nicknames," he asked, putting a chair to the wall and throwing the objects lining the wall to the couch.  
"Nicknames," Buffy said, throwing various colors of paint into a bucket and mixing them.

Spike nodded and drew two columns on the wall. "What are you?"  
"Just 'Slutty'; you're Fangless. Much easier".

Spike nodded and wrote the two names on the wall. "What about the paint?"  
Buffy looked at her buckets. "There, finished. Let's repaint the bathroom".

With that, Buffy and Spike each grabbed two buckets and walked up the stairs to repaint the bathroom and maybe a room or two. Giles was going to pay.


End file.
